“I heard you!” Connor exhaled his unstable breath, “All night.”
Wes looked at him, Connor face was covered with red from tip of his nose to his cheeks. He looked so terrible. His appearance is completely different comparing when he was coming to his apartment for study group. That condition successfully convinced Wes that Connor is really done dealing with him.
“I’m sorry, but you’ve been outvoted on this one.”
Not only Connor, but everyone who involved now thought that it was really a bad idea to take Sam’s body into the incinerator. It’s already dawn, in the other hand, they’re really tired with all the shits that happened. Everyone’s screwed up.
“Ahh! God—God!” Michaela groaned, being disgusted for what she touched from the trash bag. Perhaps it’s Sam’s organ or something.
“Oh, grow up!” Connor rushed to Michaela, taking the heavy trash bag from her. Pissed off with the ring thingy from Michaela.
“That’s it.” Laurel shut Connor’s car baggage. “There’s no more.”
Connor closed the trash bin, sarcastically said “Same time next week?”
“Can we please just go?” Replied Michaela desperately.
Everybody already went back to the car, ready to leave, except Wes. Connor opened the car door and looked around inside the car. Laurel sat quietly while closing her eyes, either she trying to calm herself or trying to forget all the things that she didn’t want to do tonight. Michaela still cried, while taking deep breath for a hundred. Connor himself, the nerves controlled all of his mind. He stroked his face and closed his eyes. A few months ago he made one of the suspect suicide, but this one, the guilty feeling was far from that. He felt really guilty, and now he considered that he just ruined his life.
Connor looked at Wes, shaking his head angrily “Train’s leaving, waitlist. You coming?”
He got inside the car, followed by Wes. And then they drove back to leave the place. Everyone went silent, even Connor. After everything that he did, he just can’t go back into his apartment, pretend that everything’s normal. Wait, everything won’t be normal after this, they just murdered their boss’ husband. How can they act normal when they’re being around the place of the murder? Moreover, Connor believed that Annalise was brilliant enough to finding out the crap. They will be ended up fired, being dropped out from university, or even being a prisoner.
He felt like he need to run somewhere. Somewhere safe, a place that he can be free from all of the things that screwing him.
He knew that place.
“I can drop Wes on the way to my apartment.” Connor began, but obviously what he meant is not his apartment.
He turned his head to look at Laurel and Michaela for a second. “You two, I’ll just take you to the office, ‘kay? So Annalise can easily suspe—“
“Take me into Frank’s apartment.” Laurel cut Connor’s words, “I’ll give you the direction if you don’t know the address.”
Wes gave a questioning look into Laurel eyes. Connor didn’t bother it, instead, he responded “Fine, what about you Frodo?”
“My apartment, 7192 Powelton Avenue.” Michaela replied with her crack voice. Connor can’t believe that she’s still crying.
“Actually, you have to drop me into the motel Rebecca stayed, it’s near from the campus.” Wes continued.
“Alright, boss.” Connor rolled his eyes, following with his sarcastic tone.
Connor parked his car quickly into the driveway, he rushed to the apartment number 303, by taking a stairs. His breath was pressured, his nerves not only control his mind, but also his actions now. He stepped in hurry then knocked Oliver’s apartment door.
Meanwhile, Oliver still slept in his bed, the knocking sound was loud enough to wake him up. It’s Saturday, he didn’t use to wake up early because it’s his day off. He groaned a little for being annoyed by the knocking sound, but then he decided to open the door. Oliver went outside his bedroom then he rushed into the door, he can’t stand the knocking sound which become louder each time he spent to reach the door. He’s usually checking the peephole first before opening the door, but this time he was really tired to do that.
He opened it, and found Connor. Who looked so awful. He gave creepy smile to Oliver. Dirt are all over his coat, his face flushed red, and the usual neat looking hair was all disheveled. Connor’s eyes widened while he become breathless.
“What are you doing here?” Oliver asked with flat tone, not just because the odd of Connor’s visit, it’s also because Connor forced him to wake up.
“I wa—I was in neighborhood.” Connor answered nervously, Oliver expression not changed. He looked at him confused yet annoyed.
“It’s 6 AM.”
“Well, early bird gets the worm, right?”
Connor started to stepping around unconsciously.
“Are you on something?” Oliver asked again, Connor’s scaring him now.
“I wished.” Connor replied.
He rubbed the back of his head, starting to realize that Oliver might found out all this crap too. Given the fact that until now, Oliver still didn’t let Connor to go inside. Connor started to think the next thing that will be happened next. He might be calling 911 for his suspicious existence.
“Ah” Oliver continued, “That smell, what is it, smoke?”
“I screwed up, Oliver.” Connor took a couple deep breaths “I screwed up so bad.”
Oliver looked more confused, Connor began to look away, he turned to the opposite position. He was hiding his face from Oliver, still repeating the same phrases. The more time he repeat it, the more he sounds desperate. And then Connor leaned into the wall beside Oliver’s door. Slowly, Connor shifted his body into a sit position. Oliver still watched him, his words become more unclear after it clashed with his unstable breath.
Oliver can’t leave him like this. Even it’s Connor, the one who just made a bullet hole in his heart. Oliver might not be fully forgiving Connor until now, but he’s not a monster. He leaned into Connor, lowering his position to reach Connor.
“It’s gonna be okay.” Oliver said softly, he put his hand into Connor’s shoulder, grabbing it tightly so Connor can finally calm down.
“It isn’t. No, it isn’t. It isn’t.” Connor replied, still in his breakdown condition. He felt Oliver hand laying in his shoulder, but he can’t look Oliver in his eyes.
“It will be.” Oliver continued, his eyes won’t be pulled away from Connor.
Connor finally met his eyes. He whispered to himself, “What is he doing?” Slowly, all his thoughts of all things that will be happened next, shattered away. He forgot that Oliver was a special human being he ever met. He’s never going to do that. That’s why, that’s the actual reason why Connor unconsciously ended up in Oliver’s apartment.
Oliver got up, then he gave his hand to Connor, suggesting Connor to grab it. Connor took his hand, he felt the warmness which was exactly Connor needs after he spent all night outside. Oliver helped him to stand then he took Connor inside, without any further conversation. They arrived in Oliver’s living room, Oliver took his hand off from Connor’s hand. Then finally their eyes meet again.
“Sit.” Oliver ordered.
Connor looked up at Oliver quietly for a second, then finally he sat on Oliver’s sofa. His head bowed down, his body was still all shivering from the cold air he beared last night. Oliver stood across him, he put his arms crossing on his chest. This set up reminded Connor when Professor Keating interrogating the witnesses in courtroom.
“So, what happened?” Oliver asked.
“I—“ Connor began to answer, “I’m sorry.”
Connor felt silly for thing that he just accidentally said, that must not be the answer Oliver wants. He realized by the look Oliver gave him now.
“For what?” The expected question came from Oliver mouth. But then Oliver nodded several times, turning away his look from Connor, “Right…” He mumbled sarcastically.
Connor stared at Oliver who just put a side smile in his face, then he felt confused.
“If you refer that for about how we left things, I don’t want to talk about it right now, what I care about right now is—“
“Oliver I—“ Connor stopped Oliver’s blabbering. Their eyes met, it made Connor paused his words. “I need a time to answer that, I—It’s hard for me.”
Oliver gave a sigh, he put his elbow resting into his knee. “Alright, you should go for a shower first,” He left the sofa and reaching the desk to take something. “I can’t stand your smell.”
“Yes, I know, I was a mess.” Connor stood, then he stared at Oliver who just grabbed an air refresher. Before Oliver asked him back for staring at him, he softly said “I’ll talk to you after shower.”
As Connor received a nod from Oliver, he stepped into Oliver’s bathroom, which is inside Oliver’s bedroom. He undressed himself, then he settled the shower temperature. In a moment when the warmness of the water that finally touched his body, he felt so comfortable, temporarily safe. He closed his eyes, enjoying each second of this feeling.
He heard Oliver’s voice from the bedroom.
“Do you want to change your clothes?”
He stopped for a while, feeling blank for a second, then finally get the point. He smelt his clothes which already hanging inside the bathroom.
“No, my shirt’s still fine.”
Connor smiled a little because Oliver even care about his clothes. As he stopped for a second, he realized that was his first time Oliver making him laugh, since… Oliver kicked him. Then there’s a thought that flowing in his Connor’s mind. Is Oliver already had forgiven him for cheating? He even forgot in the first place, why is he trying so hard to beg for his forgive. That’s right, he needed him. Oliver was too special, he’s the one who make Connor do all those things that aren’t Connor’s thing.
Right now Connor assumed that Oliver is giving him a second chance.
But Connor thought that he was going to ruin this second chance.
That’s all because of the murder that he was involved, after this, Oliver will ask him everything. At first Connor thought that maybe it’s the best way to spit it out to Oliver, he trusted Oliver but he still considered that was too risky. Either Oliver will be so upset at Connor then he will be calling the police so Connor will be ended up in jail, or, he will be understand that Connor isn’t the one who did it.
Or, the second option, he need to lie.
Lie again, lying is also risky, but Connor thought that it was the best solution.
Because he didn’t want to lose Oliver again.
Connor opened the bathroom door, the room is empty. And the door of the bedroom is already closed, so Connor can dress himself. Connor smiled.
As Oliver heard that the shower’s sound has stopped, he waited for a minute to make sure that Connor already put his clothes on. When he was sure that he already waited for the right calculated time, he opened the door. But his calculation missed, he should be waiting any longer. Because he found Connor still topless. Connor himself, he was surprised when Oliver coming.
“Hey.” Oliver said goofily. He stepped towards to his bed, and then he sat on the bed.
Connor nodded while smiling for a reply. He put down the shirt into the small chair placed near the bathroom to take the towel once again. To wiped out the rest of his face that still remained wet.
“Feel better?” Asked Oliver.
The one who being asked nodded. He shifted the towel from his face, still gave a nod “Yeah.”
Oliver shrugged, looking at Connor. “Good, ‘cause we need to talk.”
It must be something bad, Oliver have a thought about it, since Connor hasn’t meet his eyes until now. Connor’s expression showed that he’s scared to tell it. Oliver still starred at him when he nodded a couple times again.
Connor sniffed, and started to put on the shirt.
“So, you said you’d tell me after you showered.”
Then right after Oliver said that, finally Connor replied the gaze.
“What the hell happened last night?”
This is it.
This is it Connor.
Do not screw this.
Connor gave a pause so he can think about the right answer to tell. He sniffed again, so the room won’t stay silent. He already got the answer, a lie to be exact. He arranged his hair, and he realized that he just made Oliver waiting too long. He looked at him in his eyes, but Oliver turned the look away, gulped.
Connor licked his lip, ready to answer.
“I was high.”
Then he met Oliver’s eye, who is now looked confused. His eyebrows frowned.
Connor lifted his head, looking away, “I don’t know what I took.” He sniffed once again, “I just…”
“I was mixing a bunch of stuff, some pills.”
Oliver got the point just now, and suddenly he remembered the time when Connor declared himself for not using a drug. That was when they watching a TV show which has the related material. When Oliver recalled back the memory, Connor continuing.
“And… this new stuff I’d never tried before.”
Still stupefied, but Oliver finally intended to reply, “I thought you didn’t do drugs.”
Their eyes met, that just made Connor shaking his head nervously.
Not again. Connor received the same expression just like the night Oliver kicked him out. He saw Oliver grabbed his own hand tightly, took a deep breath. No, no, no way, this must be the second time Connor’s going to screw up. But this had to be done right now.
“I have a drug problem, Oliver.” Connor added.
That’s it, that words explained why Connor showed freaking up, and can convince Oliver to believe. But then, Connor thought that it will ended up bad.
Oliver unfocused from Connor, he really just locked up in his shock feeling. A bunch of questions screamed inside his mind. Since when? How can this happened? Why is he lying? But then, just a minute passed, the coldly quiet atmosphere cracked by a ringtone from Connor’s phone. Their attention pulled into the phone as Connor took the phone, and read the text message.
Connor looked at Oliver, he felt surprised that Oliver still hasn’t forced him towards the apartment door. Instead of that, the way he stayed silent kind of worry Connor. He didn’t know what to do, but he glad that he received Bonnie’s text just right in time. In the moment when Connor can drift away from this conversation.
“It’s my boss’ assistant.” Connor stepped away, taking his coat, “I’m sorry Oliver, I have to go.”
“What?” Oliver raised his eyebrows.
Connor pulled his attention to his phone, because he can’t meet Oliver’s eyes again. He believed Oliver still have that flustered expression in his face. Still looked at phone, Connor went outside the bedroom, going to leave Oliver’s apartment.
“She needs us back to the office.” Added Connor.
Oliver also left the bedroom, following Connor behind, “Are you serious? You’re not going to work.” Oliver said.
Connor wouldn’t have stopped if Oliver didn’t stop and raise his voice volume, “You just told me you have a drug addiction! We need to talk about this!”
That’s right, Connor turned the opposite way, back into Oliver. He wanted to talk, he’s still care about him, he still wanted him, Connor assumed. Connor considered that he had forgiven him. Yet, it’s not the right time to feel happy, he needed to clear another crap he gave to Oliver.
“I know,” Connor paused as he lifts the coat at his left hand. “And we will, but my boss needs me.”
Connor looked at Oliver who’s still hanging his mouth open, refused to believe.
“I’ll talk to you later.”
But he still intended to leave, because at least, he has a reason to come back.
1X09 EXTRA – END